I'm just saying...

In my recent before life I had a dog and my Husband had a dog.  These were mini schnauzer's. Dad and daughter team.  My baby girl was Pepsi and had darker markings, Tucker started out typical salt and pepper and turned solid white and light gray.  Beautiful dogs, very well behaved and just a joy to my life.  When I originally thought about leaving, I was going to take Pepsi with me, well circumstances changed and for her and Tucker's well being I couldn't break them  up.  They would have missed each other too much.  I on the other hand am missing Pepsi so bad that I have some serious crying moments.  She was the dog you get once in a lifetime that just meets all your needs...she sat in my lap all day, she loved on me, she slept in either the knee-pits of my legs or right by the back of my neck.  There is a lot to be said for dogs as companions.  My son has one of Pepsi's puppies, a girl named Pearl, he said I could have her...they loved her sooo much but loved me more and would give her to me in a heartbeat.  That is one of the kindest things anyone has offered me.  I am not in a place where I can have a dog right now and it's not the right time for me to have a pet also.  But I sit and dream of her too and cry, maybe someday the time will be right again.  I love you Pepsi and Pearl and Tucker too....

My niece and her hubz have a chiwienie, she's a cutie...it took her a long time to warm up to me.  Which was very odd as she is a very friendly dog.  She even bit me, it took three weeks but we finally became friends.  Good friends we are, but she is their dog and that just makes a difference.  We play, she snuggles on the couch with me and a blanket and that helps but not much.  I will deal with it cuz I am in this position because I made the choice to leave my husband and keep the dogs together and poor Tucker would have suffered without Pepsi's company.  If you have a pet, they need to be completely a whole part of your family.  No leaving a pet outside, that's not fair.  This is my belief and I don't have the room for a pet and I believe the pet would suffer for my own selfishness.  I try not to be selfish even if it hurts or makes me cry.  I'm just saying...

Dear Family and Friends

What is going on?  I've been in depression valley for several weeks...not a fun place to go!  There was some communication between me and the former, then I wrote, what in my heart was, a humble note back that made him jump off the deep end.  So now I play the waiting game to see if his bark was real and he gets an Attorney.  I don't care, I'm done with all the concessions being on my end, I can bark too!  And now nothing until Monday...more waiting.  I'm done, been done and need for it all to be done.
It's just been one bad news thing after another.  I did get my grandson's CHRISTmas packages in the mail and I'm going to venture out and get my granddaughter's shopping done and then get those in the mail.  I do have to write out my CHRISTmas cards, I got them all made by hand and finished this week.  Why is writing in them the hard part?  I guess when you don't have a lot of good stuff to say it's hard to come up with something not depressing.  I've always worn my heart on my sleeve and face too!
Still my family is being blessed.  My daughter got a CHRISTmas bonus and a raise this year!  My handsome son-in-law is doing really well at his new job! Yeah...They are all working and are all healthy, cept my son-in-law needs to go to the Doc to check out something but we are praying it's just a cyst.  Still for the most part we are doing well.
I heard from my Aunt this week, my Mom's sister.  She had some disturbing  news about my Uncle, so we're praying for him too.  She is kinda my last link to my Mom's family.  My Mom's brother doesn't communicate with me so I'm super grateful for my Aunt checking in with me.  Besides her husband her family is doing very well.  Blessed again...
I spoke with my granddaughters on Thanksgiving and got out of them what they'd like for CHRISTmas.  That is a win win situation...they are getting so big so fast.  Their families are doing well too! 
If I could get the deed done I'd be a little happier and a little more solid. Just 3 more days til I can hear something and I hope it's in my favor...sweeeet!  So keep the prayers coming, they really do work.
With Love,

Making my Heart Smile

the earrings and bracelet

See all my pretties, the wind chime above

                                           and all the goodies to the right...not such a

                                           photo, I'll get better as I go...=)

I'm just saying...

Isn't it fun to meet new family!  How fortunate we are in these days of blended families that we get to keep increasing our family tree...sometimes there are snakes crawling in and about our tree that aren't really members but come connected thru other family members.  Now what to do about the snakes?  We can try to ignore them but sometimes they slither their way in just trying to mess a fun time up for no other reason than they were missing out on the 'other' family fun.  This makes me angry that we can't all act like reasonable adults in difficult blending situations.  Sure we wish we could split a person in two sometimes, but it just doesn't happen.  In my own set of circumstances I've had to swallow a lot of pride and I've secretly cried in the shower, just feeling sorry for myself, but never, never did I make my child choose between us their parents, sometimes there were 4 parents and sometimes 3, we are back to 3 as I have unfortunately not found that mate to spend eternity with.  That is my problem to deal with, I know all 3 of my children worry about me, but they worried more when I was still in my last relationship.  I wish my Daughter would worry less as I give her hives with her worrying about me.  I'm a big girl and I've got to figure it all out...
If you are in such a situation be the bigger person, have some class, make your catty remarks to yourself, not out loud or where your child might accidentally overhear them and then they will carry that burden.  Children should be carefree and happy, not stressed.  In my last relationship my stepson told his Father and I what ever he thought we wanted to hear...pretty sad that he couldn't be open and honest with us.  When his Father and I got together I couldn't quite figure things out, we even went to a premarital councilor.  He in my book was way off the mark for what he expected out of my children and the ages they were when we got together, they were not small children, my youngest was 17, his only child was 11, big difference.  When I finally got it all sorted out in my head, his father and I were already married.  His only child was afraid of him.  I never figured the ends and outs of it cuz the child spent little time with us.  He still to this day has very little contact with his father, sad.  He had a good relationship with my children, especially my daughter.  Because they did it out of respect for me and making my life easier.  But my former expected respect from them, well where I come from you earn respect, it's not a right.  He had no respect from them but he didn't know it, out of their love for me they never disrespected him, and sometimes he deserved it.  Enough of my former.
We have a big weekend planned with the whole 'Twilight" marathon going on in Hollister and it almost came crashing down because of one parents jealousy.  I've grown very close to this 'new' to me relative, she is my Great-niece and we get each other even though there are 39 years between us! and I just love her so much.  But it's going to be okay, I was super worried cuz we have other plans like making CHRISTmas cards and gifts together.  She is a sweet innocent young woman with a driving permit.  I can't wait to take her out driving someday soon.  In these blended situations try and think from the child's mind first.  A child can never have too much love...too much family...too much fun.  She's 16 and that leaves very little time left to be a kid...Now bring on Jacob for her and Edward for me, cuz we cute fun girls are ready.

Making my Heart Smile

I just partisipated in my first 'blog swap'!  It was sooo fun getting to know someone else through their blog and sending them a package of goodies that you feel represent them or that you like and hope they'll like too!  I got my package yesterday, but waited until today to open it.  I was by myself and felt it would be more fun opening it with other people...I will learn how to post pictures tomorrow, I hope, it depends on how my 'bloggie tutor' feels...

I got the most amazing package with items in it that I didn't even know I needed until, well for instance the Fall Chimes I've hooked on my door so everytime it moves I hear the chimes which remind me of my dear Mother who passed just a year ago...a simply beautiful sound that touches my heart.  One of my favorite smells is cinnamon, she sent me heavenly cinnamon candles, yummmm...Onto the cutest stuffed pumpkin, not only pleasing to the eye but the fabric is all knobby and patchwork, very sweet and speaking of sweet Brach's Autumn mix which always means fall is here.  I love to bake, she sent me fall cookie cutters to make some sugar cookies, another reminder of my Mom who made sugar cookies every CHRISTmas.  Now what better to dunk your cookies into than Hot Cocoa and the most special mug to drink it out of, how she knew I love old barns, one of my favorite things about California are the old barns, takes me back to my childhood, so as I drink I can look at the old barn on my mug, she also sent the sweetest little farmer to tie it all together.  On my wall is this old wooden crow with a hat on of course!  I hope I haven't forgotten anything there was just so many treasures packed into my box...that I saved for last this beautiful bracelet and earrings she made for me special.  I feel honored and will be wearing them a lot this fall and on Thanksgiving for our big family dinner.  Thank you doesn't seem adequite enough Miss Angie, I truely feel blessed to have had you as my swap partner and hope you like the package I sent you.  I feel we've gotten to know one another through Mamarazzi, but feel our friendship will branch off on it's own, or at least I pray it will...you are a talented, gifted woman and I hope to learn many things from you through the passing years.  Again Thank You, I loved everything and it so matched me and some of my emotional needs during the beginning of this Holiday Season. 
P.S. I know I said so yesterday, but Miss Angie also designed my blog...she's a Cute Fun Girl for sure.

I'm just saying...

Just went thru a little rough patch with hills and valleys, coming out of a deep valley...
Since we last 'talked', I went on a road trip with my best brother, for a several part journey.  First to check-in with all the Doc's in the Reno area, pick-up new or stronger meds, see the dentist, get my haircut, see my Son, daughter-in-law and grandpets and last minute we got my nephew's excursion and toy hauler to transfer all my worldly possesions to, first stop Ceres, second stop Hollister.  In two days!  The seeing of my Son and his family was the most important and special to me.  I miss them terribly, even the furry ones, tho while we were there Punkin took off with my glasses in the middle of the night so I went half day without them, Pepsi my last and best ever pet, ate 2 pair of my glasses, obviously she wasn't the 'best' pet at that time, haha.  Punkin needs introduction, as does Pearl, Punkin is my calico grandkitten and Pearl is a puppy from said Pepsi.  I have wonderful grandpets and two granddaughters and one grandson.  I'm very blessed.  The trip was a good journey for my brother and I, we got to stay at my Son's home, we left the trailer at my best girlfriends house while we ran around to 3 Doc's on Tuesday, then picked it up and unfortuantely didn't get much help loading it up, then dropped it back off at her place.  Wednesday, we hit the Salon, another Doc, the eye Doc, the Dentist and my Attorney, plus the pharmacy several times.  Picked the trailer back up and left town, rolled into Ceres about 8:45p.  Not too bad since we'd started 12 hours earlier.  The next morning my Bishop and two missionaries showed up at 9a to unload my antique bed and dresser.  Then reload the bed and dressers that were here to go onto Hollister.  We took off for Hollister and they had a Storage place all picked out...I signed right up, the storage units here are twice what I was paying.  But everything just fell into place, so I know that this is the right move.  My Nephew, that I live with, just got his transfer with his job therefore we will be moving to Hollister in the near future, that's why all my stuff is in storage there instead of here.  I felt sure I was going to wear my poor brother out but he just keeps going no matter what has to be done, he gets it done and he is no spring chicken, he's not old by any means but I'm just saying...

A little info I left out was that I forgot to take my meds with me on this trip.  For those who don't know I'm on like 18 prescription medications, two of those are chemo therapy.  I had acute kidney failure in July and was on 26, they got me down to 16, during the most unpleasant 9 day stay at the hospital.  Anywho, all I had were pain meds that I carry in case of emergency, I was grateful for those but I just didn't sleep much the whole trip, except while my brother was driving, of course.  I'm thinking that was the only thing keeping me upright.  I wake up Saturday and the last I remember is signing the storage unit paperwork on Thurs. afternoon.  I remember bits and pieces, I've blanked out spots on Saturday and on Sunday.  What we can figure in 'short' form is that I was over tired and I kept waking up and everytime, I guess, I took something to help me sleep.  The Doctor had prescribed some stronger meds and all I remember was taking them.  I also had a UTI, and once before it had ecoli and went to my brain and I had memory loss as well.  So between the two I lost a couple days.  No ones fault, but I guess I was pretty out of it.  I've been over tired for over a week so it's slowly dissipating out of my body.  I stopped one of the meds altogether, cuz it was making me nod-out during the day.

Made it through day one of dieting, actually this is day three, but I just didn't make it through those other two.  Bummer and now I'm about to go on an adventure and I need to be further into the diet than I am.  Mondays are always good days to start diets, but Thursday is Twilight marathon movie day  I don't think I can resist the popcorn, that's always a diet buster for me.  I once went on a popcorn diet, I lost 60 lbs  in 3 months and maintained it for 15+ yrs.  It wasn't until I stopped working that I put on weight.  Now I yoyo all the time, so I always have small, med. and lrg. in my closet. Crazy and everybody just barks at me when I'm dieting, I agree with everyones viewpoint, but it works for me if I can really get into it.  I can maintain for 1 to 2 yrs if I could ever get really into it.  Diets suck!  But I have this body image of myself that I've had all my life, it's all about me and how I want myself to look-no one else, I support anyone and how they look.  I try to empower anyone and support how they feel about themselves.  I just do me differently, that's all.  Mine is mostly mental and control, hmmmmm, I wonder where I learned that from...just my last future former.

I can't post with a negative.  My super cute great niece and I are 'Twilight' fans and we IM'd all evening about this coming weekend's marathon.  I bought shirts for us, she's a Jacob fan and I would love for Edward to bite my necks.  I have figured out the perfect CHRISTmas gift for her during our conversation, yeah, one down.  More climbing to do tomorrow to get outta this valley, so I'd better get some sleep...think good thoughts...DID YOU NOTICE MY BLOG ARTWORK???? Done by the famous Miss Angie, she has a button on my side bar http://www.mysocalledchaos.com/  Give her a shout out! yo, super cute, super talented, she has an http://www.espy.com/ store too!  She's making me some butterflies for your hair, for my people that I love...yep she does it all...
 

Making my Heart Smile

Making the best of a uncomfortable situation...I don't have to get my mind out of the gutter only my shoe!!!  I have very little feeling in my feet due to an illness side effect.  Soooo we all decide to go to a movie and we all get ready quickly and go out to the cars and go.  I'm in the back seat in my Niece and Nephews car, we park and I step out of the car and notice the feel of the rough pavement with my right foot. I look in the car under the seats, all over and realize I have no shoe for my right foot!  My Nephew says well lets go back and look for it!  I am, "No way!  I'm going to the movie!"  He says "you can't go in without your shoe"  I'm like, "Do you know how long it's been since I've been to a movie? No one will notice" and I grabbed his arm and started walking toward the theaters...No one noticed and the movie was different but good.  I got to eat yummy buttered popcorn and a diet soda!  Yeah!  When we got home my shoe was on the curb right next to where I'd gotten into the car!  I've walked out of my shoes before but never to this extent or actually gotten this far away from my shoe.  I walk out of my socks and slippers in the house all the time and it's pretty anoying. 

So we came over the hill to spend the weekend with my Brother and his family, then he and I are going to go to the Reno area in a couple days.  I've got to check in with all my Doctor's and run around and do a whole bunch of errands...  I get to spend a little time with my oldest Son, Daughter-in-law and my grandpets, Punkin and Pearl.  I'm so excited, cuz I miss them soooo much.  Anywho, I'm having a super fun time with the fam, we went and watched a couple junior basketball games my great-nephews were playing in, then we went to lunch and I watched them eat, cuz I'm dieting.  But that all ended when I went to the movie, hello POPCORN!  Impossible for me to pass popcorn up! and this place you can put your own butter on it! yummo!  That's all for now, love to all...

Making my Heart Smile

     Had some car troubles last week, but they turned into a good thing...my brakes were making a funny noise so I took the car in an sure enough no brakes left!  But this is the first time I've had to do brakes on my car and it just turned over 100,000 miles, so somebody was watching over me...  Then I had a leak in the rear axle seal so I had to go to another place to get that fixed and they charged me less than they quoted.  Which was good cuz we went fun shopping while it was being worked on and I spent a little more than I had planned on, but we all know how that goes.  But ended up having a super day with my Niece, we ended it by going to lunch...yep a little retail therapy goes a long way in the feel good dept..  My daughter's cute hubz just got a good job and things are going well with his training, I have no doubt once they get to know him they will see what an asset he is and he will move up the ladder in no time.  My oldest Son and my beautiful daughter in law are going on vacation to see family and check out the job market there.  They are taking my grandkitten, Punkin and my grandpuppy Pearl with them, so it should be fun for all.  I have Doctor's visits where they live, so my brother and I will be staying in their place while they are gone.  They are due back right before we leave so I'll get me some boobalishous hugs from my daughter in law and some loves from my Son before we pack up to come home.  Not to forget my grandpets, I really miss them and can't wait to see how big they've grown since I left.  Nothing new to report with my baby Son, he's doing well with his job and tries to pick up extra shifts...I just wish he'd get a second part time job to fill in when his hours are low, but he is holding his own...sooo that's good for now.
     Had some fun times with my  Nephew's folks and their friend Terrie, she was visiting from Illinois.  We went to dinner at a Japanese restaurant where they cook at your table.  He made us all catch zucchini in our mouths that he threw at us! There were 7 of us and we had a blast, we celebrated my Nephew's folks birthdays too so they turned out the lights and served them ice cream sundays with a candle in them, everybody sang, it was great.  Plus my Nephew's Daughter came along, my Great-Niece and spent the night, so I got some quality time with her.  She is a huge Twilight fan like myself, so we've planned a marathon of Twilight movies before the big premiere of Breaking Dawn, part one.  And we need to stand out so we will be making shirts to go dressed to the nines in!  Sooo much fun even though she is team Jacob and of course I'm team Edward...makes it more interesting.  She is sooo sweet and thinks maybe I'll let her drive so we don't get lost, hmmmm I think I'll take my chances on getting lost at least until she gets her license!
     A couple of fun days and now the 'Fall Swap', shopping for a new friend-this is gonna be some fun, picking out things you like and hope they will enjoy as well...

Super swap times

Yeah! my first swap, I can't hardly wait to partisipate! Super fun times to come...Check it out at Dandelion Wishes

Making my Heart Smile

The last two days have been so much fun!  Thursday I was at Wally getting some light yellow flannel to make another crazy quilt (i haven't figured out how to post pix yet) when I got a phone call from a friend.  The odd thing is I have no friends here, but after speaking for a couple minutes I knew I was talking to a friend.  We ended the conversation discussing where the best fountain soda's were, anyone who knows me knows I loves my fountain Diet Pepsi!  She came over an hour later to drop off a Stampin Up catalogue, I'd looked through the names of distributors and decided I liked her name best, come to find out she's in my Ward at Church too! pretty cool...  She stayed and we all talked for a little while, Mamarazzi knows her as well.  Well she hadn't been gone 10 minutes when she called again and wanted to know if I wanted to come over to her house and play that night! Uh, ya!  I was there 3 hours, she showed me all kinds of new techniques, we made 2 cards and a 12x12 picture that goes in a shadow box.  They make a new one every month and change them out.  I made the Thanksgiving one so I'm gonna go out on a limb and do up a Halloween one by myself.  I had too much fun, then she showed me these cute paper bag albums and my head was just spinning with ideas by the time I got home.  I knew I'd never get to sleep I was soooo excited and I didn't...  We had to get up early to drop my car off at a repair shop in Riverbank the next morning by 9a, I followed Mamarazzi over there then we went shopping!  She is hosting a Fall Swap that I get to participate in so we shopped for items to go in our goodie boxes.  Too much fun again...  Also I picked up my shadow box at Michael's and it was 40% off, such a deal!  We went to Chili's for a yummy lunch and came home and dropped, we both took naps!  Tomorrow my nephew's folks are coming to town, so we'll be busy all weekend...  Just when I finally want spare time, there is none, that's okay nothing is more important than family and this is my first opportunity to meet them, so I'm excited.  What a couple of great days and getting a new friend in the process is wonderful...  I wish for happy days ahead for you too!

Making my heart smile

I just love it when you read little quotes that give you pause. They are always welcome and I try to write them down whenever I see one. Today's moment came from another blog I follow www.ourdandelionwishes.blogspot.com Mamarazzi is my special niece that took me in to love, comfort and give me peace. Not that my other nieces aren't special, they all are in their individual ways, they ALL MAKE MY HEART SMILE. Backing up to what I wanted to share, I guess this originally came from Oprah.
"You become what you believe...you are worthy of happiness, love and peace. Believe it!!!"

In this what caught me most was, Worthy; Having merit or value. Honorable. Deserving. Yes you are a worthy person.

So much negativity is surrounding me right now as I have started this new uncertain journey. The past, and dealing with others that don't agree with my choices for my life. You sometimes have to leave things behind that have made you stop progressing, either by your own choice to keep peace or by force of another's will. So many sorry's, I'll try harder's, yet ultimately nothing changes. Well this went deeper than I'd wanted to so I will get to the other quote that I will live by from here on .
"Apologizing does not always mean that you're wrong and the other person is right. It just means that you value your relationship more than your ego."

Love that! Now if we could only teach men this easy lesson...and some women...but none of you my dear family and friends. But we all know, you know, yep you know.
It was a wonderful day, good sleep, went shopping, no nothing exciting just Wally World, but I had good interaction with other people. Then to Barbours to get a 'tall, dark and handsome' in Mamarazzi talk that means a fountain diet Pepsi over ice balls...that always puts a smile on my face! Anyone who knows me knows that, A day without a fountain Diet Pepsi, lots of ice balls and a shot of Cherry Pepsi in the bottom, absolutely scares me, it's so sad...

Mamarazzi and her Big Daddy will be coming home late tonight. Which means we get to go to church tomorrow together. Yeah, I went once by myself and like 15 super nice people came and introduced themselves, being me, I didn't even remember one name, then the worse thing happened, yep it was my nap time and I nodded off during Fast and Testimony meeting. So I left and didn't stay for the other meetings. I'm hoping tomorrow for a chance to redeem myself. I'll let you know...
In the meantime, see the little things that can turn your day or even your life around, write them down and look at them from time to time and remember how you felt the first time you found it and read it! Please share so it will give me pause and make my heart smile...

Dear Family and Friends

I've been riding a emotional roller coaster for a week now! I've got the queezies and sour stomach to go with it. I tell my baby girl all my worries and then she profoundly tells me "Momma it's your life, do what you want to do." hmmmm...not the answer I was hoping to hear. Let somebody else run my life for awhile, that way I can blame someone else for screwing me up! She prompted lots more thinking and lots more praying, I still feel I'm on the right track. She's very smart, this one, and wise beyond her years. I'm climbing out of the deep funk I've been in, I've always struggled with depression and now I get to add tummy troubles to the mix. I don't know if the tummy troubles are a result of the stress and depression, good possibility. My big brother is kind and worries about me, we have a road trip planned. Something to look forward to, I will miss all the gouls and goblins while on our road trip, but next year I can go to trunk or treat and be the fourth Witch Sister. And we will have relocated to Hollister by then, so super fun next year! I miss my children and my grandcats and grandpuppy! Chin up, there are blessings all around me, I'm a lucky girl living in a happy place.

Making my heart smile

You know those little things that happen to you or you see...well like someone else's puppies, a child's laughter, simple everyday things that can turn around a bad day. You could overhear someone saying something nice about you, those little unexpected surprises that come out of the blue to make "my heart smile" I text a goofy pix of myself to my Daughter, she text back it made her realize, she missed me more than she thought she could. That made my heart smile and eyes water for quite a little while. Today though two things happened, I finished a Pink and Yellow Crazy Quilt for a baby,(yes, I will attempt to post a picture of it tomorrow)BHS
And Coco, my niece's dog, who has had this love/hate relationship( me love her/her hate me)with me since I've moved in. It's been hurting me so badly emotionally,cuz I had to leave my true love Pepsi,in Fallon. I just love dogs but it has taken her so long(3wks-3days to warm up to me, she actually bit me in the face after I gave her kisses once. Well the song and dance is over, I have arrived, it's official she loves me now and treats me like one of the family, big Heart Smile! Nothing like some good doggie attention, scratches and kisses! Yes I'm still brave, no more biting. BHS
A couple things accomplished, been working on the quilt for three days. Many more to make they are so cute and fun.
So when you're feeling blue remember those little things that make your heart smile...then try to make someone else's smile!(BHS=big heart smile)

Dear Family and Friends

Today was one of those days that started off great! Then you are faced with reality smack in your face. I've had some questions regarding a huge decision I've recently made. You know, did I do the right thing? I'd felt sure this decision I'd made was prompted by, and an answer to many prayers. But the those evil doubts plague your mind...was is really all that bad? HOw much longer could I continue to overlook indiscretions...and other things that I couldn't control or be a part of. Oh yes the secrets and the windfall of money that never happened. Let us not forget the harping to get someone to obey promises they'd made. Of course I thought they were gentle reminders. But I guess we all see out of different eyes.
I have been chastised today! So I've given the chastisement a great deal of thought, spent most of the day by myself, reflecting. And YES! The chastisement has been my seal of approval! Unbeknownst to the Author...So thank you I am truly blessed and following the correct path...I know it won't be easy, but I'm in feet first!

Dear Family and Friends

Dear Family and Friends,
And so it begins...my journey, with you tagging along, if you choose. We'll see where this road takes me, holding tightly to the rod, as to not get lost. Just bits and pieces, day by day-nothing too terribly exciting, just all ME!
Love to all,