I'm just saying...

In my recent before life I had a dog and my Husband had a dog.  These were mini schnauzer's. Dad and daughter team.  My baby girl was Pepsi and had darker markings, Tucker started out typical salt and pepper and turned solid white and light gray.  Beautiful dogs, very well behaved and just a joy to my life.  When I originally thought about leaving, I was going to take Pepsi with me, well circumstances changed and for her and Tucker's well being I couldn't break them  up.  They would have missed each other too much.  I on the other hand am missing Pepsi so bad that I have some serious crying moments.  She was the dog you get once in a lifetime that just meets all your needs...she sat in my lap all day, she loved on me, she slept in either the knee-pits of my legs or right by the back of my neck.  There is a lot to be said for dogs as companions.  My son has one of Pepsi's puppies, a girl named Pearl, he said I could have her...they loved her sooo much but loved me more and would give her to me in a heartbeat.  That is one of the kindest things anyone has offered me.  I am not in a place where I can have a dog right now and it's not the right time for me to have a pet also.  But I sit and dream of her too and cry, maybe someday the time will be right again.  I love you Pepsi and Pearl and Tucker too....

My niece and her hubz have a chiwienie, she's a cutie...it took her a long time to warm up to me.  Which was very odd as she is a very friendly dog.  She even bit me, it took three weeks but we finally became friends.  Good friends we are, but she is their dog and that just makes a difference.  We play, she snuggles on the couch with me and a blanket and that helps but not much.  I will deal with it cuz I am in this position because I made the choice to leave my husband and keep the dogs together and poor Tucker would have suffered without Pepsi's company.  If you have a pet, they need to be completely a whole part of your family.  No leaving a pet outside, that's not fair.  This is my belief and I don't have the room for a pet and I believe the pet would suffer for my own selfishness.  I try not to be selfish even if it hurts or makes me cry.  I'm just saying...

Dear Family and Friends

What is going on?  I've been in depression valley for several weeks...not a fun place to go!  There was some communication between me and the former, then I wrote, what in my heart was, a humble note back that made him jump off the deep end.  So now I play the waiting game to see if his bark was real and he gets an Attorney.  I don't care, I'm done with all the concessions being on my end, I can bark too!  And now nothing until Monday...more waiting.  I'm done, been done and need for it all to be done.
It's just been one bad news thing after another.  I did get my grandson's CHRISTmas packages in the mail and I'm going to venture out and get my granddaughter's shopping done and then get those in the mail.  I do have to write out my CHRISTmas cards, I got them all made by hand and finished this week.  Why is writing in them the hard part?  I guess when you don't have a lot of good stuff to say it's hard to come up with something not depressing.  I've always worn my heart on my sleeve and face too!
Still my family is being blessed.  My daughter got a CHRISTmas bonus and a raise this year!  My handsome son-in-law is doing really well at his new job! Yeah...They are all working and are all healthy, cept my son-in-law needs to go to the Doc to check out something but we are praying it's just a cyst.  Still for the most part we are doing well.
I heard from my Aunt this week, my Mom's sister.  She had some disturbing  news about my Uncle, so we're praying for him too.  She is kinda my last link to my Mom's family.  My Mom's brother doesn't communicate with me so I'm super grateful for my Aunt checking in with me.  Besides her husband her family is doing very well.  Blessed again...
I spoke with my granddaughters on Thanksgiving and got out of them what they'd like for CHRISTmas.  That is a win win situation...they are getting so big so fast.  Their families are doing well too! 
If I could get the deed done I'd be a little happier and a little more solid. Just 3 more days til I can hear something and I hope it's in my favor...sweeeet!  So keep the prayers coming, they really do work.
With Love,

Making my Heart Smile

the earrings and bracelet

See all my pretties, the wind chime above

                                           and all the goodies to the right...not such a

                                           photo, I'll get better as I go...=)

I'm just saying...

Isn't it fun to meet new family!  How fortunate we are in these days of blended families that we get to keep increasing our family tree...sometimes there are snakes crawling in and about our tree that aren't really members but come connected thru other family members.  Now what to do about the snakes?  We can try to ignore them but sometimes they slither their way in just trying to mess a fun time up for no other reason than they were missing out on the 'other' family fun.  This makes me angry that we can't all act like reasonable adults in difficult blending situations.  Sure we wish we could split a person in two sometimes, but it just doesn't happen.  In my own set of circumstances I've had to swallow a lot of pride and I've secretly cried in the shower, just feeling sorry for myself, but never, never did I make my child choose between us their parents, sometimes there were 4 parents and sometimes 3, we are back to 3 as I have unfortunately not found that mate to spend eternity with.  That is my problem to deal with, I know all 3 of my children worry about me, but they worried more when I was still in my last relationship.  I wish my Daughter would worry less as I give her hives with her worrying about me.  I'm a big girl and I've got to figure it all out...
If you are in such a situation be the bigger person, have some class, make your catty remarks to yourself, not out loud or where your child might accidentally overhear them and then they will carry that burden.  Children should be carefree and happy, not stressed.  In my last relationship my stepson told his Father and I what ever he thought we wanted to hear...pretty sad that he couldn't be open and honest with us.  When his Father and I got together I couldn't quite figure things out, we even went to a premarital councilor.  He in my book was way off the mark for what he expected out of my children and the ages they were when we got together, they were not small children, my youngest was 17, his only child was 11, big difference.  When I finally got it all sorted out in my head, his father and I were already married.  His only child was afraid of him.  I never figured the ends and outs of it cuz the child spent little time with us.  He still to this day has very little contact with his father, sad.  He had a good relationship with my children, especially my daughter.  Because they did it out of respect for me and making my life easier.  But my former expected respect from them, well where I come from you earn respect, it's not a right.  He had no respect from them but he didn't know it, out of their love for me they never disrespected him, and sometimes he deserved it.  Enough of my former.
We have a big weekend planned with the whole 'Twilight" marathon going on in Hollister and it almost came crashing down because of one parents jealousy.  I've grown very close to this 'new' to me relative, she is my Great-niece and we get each other even though there are 39 years between us! and I just love her so much.  But it's going to be okay, I was super worried cuz we have other plans like making CHRISTmas cards and gifts together.  She is a sweet innocent young woman with a driving permit.  I can't wait to take her out driving someday soon.  In these blended situations try and think from the child's mind first.  A child can never have too much love...too much family...too much fun.  She's 16 and that leaves very little time left to be a kid...Now bring on Jacob for her and Edward for me, cuz we cute fun girls are ready.

Making my Heart Smile

I just partisipated in my first 'blog swap'!  It was sooo fun getting to know someone else through their blog and sending them a package of goodies that you feel represent them or that you like and hope they'll like too!  I got my package yesterday, but waited until today to open it.  I was by myself and felt it would be more fun opening it with other people...I will learn how to post pictures tomorrow, I hope, it depends on how my 'bloggie tutor' feels...

I got the most amazing package with items in it that I didn't even know I needed until, well for instance the Fall Chimes I've hooked on my door so everytime it moves I hear the chimes which remind me of my dear Mother who passed just a year ago...a simply beautiful sound that touches my heart.  One of my favorite smells is cinnamon, she sent me heavenly cinnamon candles, yummmm...Onto the cutest stuffed pumpkin, not only pleasing to the eye but the fabric is all knobby and patchwork, very sweet and speaking of sweet Brach's Autumn mix which always means fall is here.  I love to bake, she sent me fall cookie cutters to make some sugar cookies, another reminder of my Mom who made sugar cookies every CHRISTmas.  Now what better to dunk your cookies into than Hot Cocoa and the most special mug to drink it out of, how she knew I love old barns, one of my favorite things about California are the old barns, takes me back to my childhood, so as I drink I can look at the old barn on my mug, she also sent the sweetest little farmer to tie it all together.  On my wall is this old wooden crow with a hat on of course!  I hope I haven't forgotten anything there was just so many treasures packed into my box...that I saved for last this beautiful bracelet and earrings she made for me special.  I feel honored and will be wearing them a lot this fall and on Thanksgiving for our big family dinner.  Thank you doesn't seem adequite enough Miss Angie, I truely feel blessed to have had you as my swap partner and hope you like the package I sent you.  I feel we've gotten to know one another through Mamarazzi, but feel our friendship will branch off on it's own, or at least I pray it will...you are a talented, gifted woman and I hope to learn many things from you through the passing years.  Again Thank You, I loved everything and it so matched me and some of my emotional needs during the beginning of this Holiday Season. 
P.S. I know I said so yesterday, but Miss Angie also designed my blog...she's a Cute Fun Girl for sure.

I'm just saying...

Just went thru a little rough patch with hills and valleys, coming out of a deep valley...
Since we last 'talked', I went on a road trip with my best brother, for a several part journey.  First to check-in with all the Doc's in the Reno area, pick-up new or stronger meds, see the dentist, get my haircut, see my Son, daughter-in-law and grandpets and last minute we got my nephew's excursion and toy hauler to transfer all my worldly possesions to, first stop Ceres, second stop Hollister.  In two days!  The seeing of my Son and his family was the most important and special to me.  I miss them terribly, even the furry ones, tho while we were there Punkin took off with my glasses in the middle of the night so I went half day without them, Pepsi my last and best ever pet, ate 2 pair of my glasses, obviously she wasn't the 'best' pet at that time, haha.  Punkin needs introduction, as does Pearl, Punkin is my calico grandkitten and Pearl is a puppy from said Pepsi.  I have wonderful grandpets and two granddaughters and one grandson.  I'm very blessed.  The trip was a good journey for my brother and I, we got to stay at my Son's home, we left the trailer at my best girlfriends house while we ran around to 3 Doc's on Tuesday, then picked it up and unfortuantely didn't get much help loading it up, then dropped it back off at her place.  Wednesday, we hit the Salon, another Doc, the eye Doc, the Dentist and my Attorney, plus the pharmacy several times.  Picked the trailer back up and left town, rolled into Ceres about 8:45p.  Not too bad since we'd started 12 hours earlier.  The next morning my Bishop and two missionaries showed up at 9a to unload my antique bed and dresser.  Then reload the bed and dressers that were here to go onto Hollister.  We took off for Hollister and they had a Storage place all picked out...I signed right up, the storage units here are twice what I was paying.  But everything just fell into place, so I know that this is the right move.  My Nephew, that I live with, just got his transfer with his job therefore we will be moving to Hollister in the near future, that's why all my stuff is in storage there instead of here.  I felt sure I was going to wear my poor brother out but he just keeps going no matter what has to be done, he gets it done and he is no spring chicken, he's not old by any means but I'm just saying...

A little info I left out was that I forgot to take my meds with me on this trip.  For those who don't know I'm on like 18 prescription medications, two of those are chemo therapy.  I had acute kidney failure in July and was on 26, they got me down to 16, during the most unpleasant 9 day stay at the hospital.  Anywho, all I had were pain meds that I carry in case of emergency, I was grateful for those but I just didn't sleep much the whole trip, except while my brother was driving, of course.  I'm thinking that was the only thing keeping me upright.  I wake up Saturday and the last I remember is signing the storage unit paperwork on Thurs. afternoon.  I remember bits and pieces, I've blanked out spots on Saturday and on Sunday.  What we can figure in 'short' form is that I was over tired and I kept waking up and everytime, I guess, I took something to help me sleep.  The Doctor had prescribed some stronger meds and all I remember was taking them.  I also had a UTI, and once before it had ecoli and went to my brain and I had memory loss as well.  So between the two I lost a couple days.  No ones fault, but I guess I was pretty out of it.  I've been over tired for over a week so it's slowly dissipating out of my body.  I stopped one of the meds altogether, cuz it was making me nod-out during the day.

Made it through day one of dieting, actually this is day three, but I just didn't make it through those other two.  Bummer and now I'm about to go on an adventure and I need to be further into the diet than I am.  Mondays are always good days to start diets, but Thursday is Twilight marathon movie day  I don't think I can resist the popcorn, that's always a diet buster for me.  I once went on a popcorn diet, I lost 60 lbs  in 3 months and maintained it for 15+ yrs.  It wasn't until I stopped working that I put on weight.  Now I yoyo all the time, so I always have small, med. and lrg. in my closet. Crazy and everybody just barks at me when I'm dieting, I agree with everyones viewpoint, but it works for me if I can really get into it.  I can maintain for 1 to 2 yrs if I could ever get really into it.  Diets suck!  But I have this body image of myself that I've had all my life, it's all about me and how I want myself to look-no one else, I support anyone and how they look.  I try to empower anyone and support how they feel about themselves.  I just do me differently, that's all.  Mine is mostly mental and control, hmmmmm, I wonder where I learned that from...just my last future former.

I can't post with a negative.  My super cute great niece and I are 'Twilight' fans and we IM'd all evening about this coming weekend's marathon.  I bought shirts for us, she's a Jacob fan and I would love for Edward to bite my necks.  I have figured out the perfect CHRISTmas gift for her during our conversation, yeah, one down.  More climbing to do tomorrow to get outta this valley, so I'd better get some sleep...think good thoughts...DID YOU NOTICE MY BLOG ARTWORK???? Done by the famous Miss Angie, she has a button on my side bar http://www.mysocalledchaos.com/  Give her a shout out! yo, super cute, super talented, she has an http://www.espy.com/ store too!  She's making me some butterflies for your hair, for my people that I love...yep she does it all...
 

Making my Heart Smile

Making the best of a uncomfortable situation...I don't have to get my mind out of the gutter only my shoe!!!  I have very little feeling in my feet due to an illness side effect.  Soooo we all decide to go to a movie and we all get ready quickly and go out to the cars and go.  I'm in the back seat in my Niece and Nephews car, we park and I step out of the car and notice the feel of the rough pavement with my right foot. I look in the car under the seats, all over and realize I have no shoe for my right foot!  My Nephew says well lets go back and look for it!  I am, "No way!  I'm going to the movie!"  He says "you can't go in without your shoe"  I'm like, "Do you know how long it's been since I've been to a movie? No one will notice" and I grabbed his arm and started walking toward the theaters...No one noticed and the movie was different but good.  I got to eat yummy buttered popcorn and a diet soda!  Yeah!  When we got home my shoe was on the curb right next to where I'd gotten into the car!  I've walked out of my shoes before but never to this extent or actually gotten this far away from my shoe.  I walk out of my socks and slippers in the house all the time and it's pretty anoying. 

So we came over the hill to spend the weekend with my Brother and his family, then he and I are going to go to the Reno area in a couple days.  I've got to check in with all my Doctor's and run around and do a whole bunch of errands...  I get to spend a little time with my oldest Son, Daughter-in-law and my grandpets, Punkin and Pearl.  I'm so excited, cuz I miss them soooo much.  Anywho, I'm having a super fun time with the fam, we went and watched a couple junior basketball games my great-nephews were playing in, then we went to lunch and I watched them eat, cuz I'm dieting.  But that all ended when I went to the movie, hello POPCORN!  Impossible for me to pass popcorn up! and this place you can put your own butter on it! yummo!  That's all for now, love to all...